Sunday, May 08, 2016

My 1st Single Mother's Day

Today I celebrated my fifth Mother's Day. Today also marks my first Single Mother's Day. This is the first Mother's Day I woke up without my daughter under the same roof. And this is the first Mother's Day Hannah truly understood.

The reason why I've been a horrible blogger lately is the culmination of many things. At first, adjusting to my new job took it's toll, but lately it's been adjusting to life as a single parent. Chris moved out more than six months ago.

Every other weekend I'm plummeted back five years in time to my "single" life before Hannah arrived. At first, I just hung out alone at the condo, watching hours of Netflix, eating junk food and missing my kid. BH (that's before Hannah) I never ever spent an entire weekend home, unless I was sick. There were lunch dates. Shopping dates. Movie dates. Dinner parties. Generally just spending time with my friends and taking care of me.

When the cloud of guilt finally rose from making Hannah a child that has two homes with parents she rarely sees together, I realized moping around all weekend when she wasn't here didn't do anyone, especially me, a lick of good.

So lately I haven't been home. I've reconnected with friends I had lost touch with. I finally went to Ottawa to visit my best friend - I hadn't tasted a Byward Market BeaverTail since 2010. I prioritize, plan and perform errands that are 100 per cent easier alone. I vacuum because Hannah is afraid of the noise. And OK, I still watch a lot of Netflix, especially shows with coarse language, nudity and blood.

During the week and every other weekend, I just want to focus on Hannah and give her all the attention she can handle. Unfortunately when it comes to prioritizing, working, being an attentive Mom, having a clean house, etc. all seem to come before opening Blogger and sharing my latest thoughts and finds.

I recently joined a group on Facebook about Co-Parenting. Reading other peoples stories have made me realize I'm finally ready to share my own. The whole point of this blog is to be transparent to my readers, and it was hard to write posts knowing you no longer knew the full story. I'm not going to share super personal details - this blog has always focussed on me and my daughter and will continue to do so.

So my main update is this - it was hard waking up this morning without Hannah. This is technically Chris' weekend. But, I got to pick her up this morning, we had a super fun Glama Gals spa date together, and we spent the rest of the day with my Mom and my brother. I got a bracelet and book Hannah made at preschool (which she told me about on Monday, but then told me it was a secret so she couldn't tell me). All through the day she kept wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and it seemed like she was confessing her love for me more often than she usually does.

Hannah herself is happy and thriving - and I feel like I finally am too. I am so blessed to be her mom.

© 2016 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.

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