Friday, May 17, 2013

Definitely MY Daughter

I'm on a few mom groups on Facebook. Sometimes I find these groups very helpful, sometimes I find members to be a bit neurotic, but I always find being a part of these groups entertaining.

The other day a mom posted about how annoyed she was about constantly being told that her children look exactly like her husband and look nothing like her.

I know the feeling well.

Chris has brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin. Hannah has brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin. I have light brown hair, blue eyes and paler skin. A lot of people can't see past Hannah's colouring. But there are a few who can, and a distinction was made officially mere minutes after her birth.

There's not many things I remember about my emergency c-section (or what Chris likes to call "the war zone"). To be honest, other than the sound of Hannah's first cry most of it is a blur. (Which perhaps is best, who wants to recall when 20 strangers saw you naked?)

One thing I do remember is Chris bringing Hannah to me for the first time while the doctors were still moving around my organs and stitching me up and whatever else they do that seems to take forever. My contacts were out and I didn't have my glasses on but I could tell the 12 week and 20 week ultrasounds were correct. (I have a strict "no sharing ultrasounds on the Internet" so you will never see Hannah's on this blog or elsewhere.)

Hannah has my button nose. You can see this in the ultrasounds. After the technician pointed out body parts I took the ultrasound home and studied it for hours on end. Her nose bone was totally sticking up, just how mine does. I spent my youth rubbing my nose before bed hoping it would turn "normal".

It wasn't until my late teens that I accepted my nose (and my facial mole, but that's a whole other post and something Hannah doesn't have). It helped that a few boys had said nice things about it, and it finally stopped being a place for the zits on my face to converge.

But what really changed my hatred mind is when someone mentioned to me that I have my Grandma's nose. She passed away when I was 19. When I was told this, my nose wasn't just for breathing anymore - it connected me to someone I loved who I could no longer reach out and touch. I had a part of her with me every day.

And now Hannah does too. She is connected to her Great Grandmother, who, unfortunately she will never meet. Something I once hated about myself, I am now so grateful to have passed on to my daughter.

Back in "the war zone", the anaesthesiologist came over to me and told me my daughter was beautiful. And fresh from the womb, covered in blood, her true colouring not yet set in, he said it was clear to see she is MY daughter, with MY nose. He even joked she didn't need a bracelet and an anklet with my last name, it was indisputable that she was mine.

So when people tell me my daughter looks nothing like me even though I carried her for 40 weeks (and 2 days), I think back to my nose. The nose I inherited from my Grandma, which  my daughter then inherited from me.

Do people tell you your child looks more like your partner than you? If so, how does it make you feel?

© 2013 YYZ Bambina. All Rights Reserved.


  1. Hahaha this conversation makes me laugh all the time. One day, we get our baby looks just like my husband, the next moment someone will say she's my twin. I know we both made her and she has the best parts of both of us :)

  2. I looked at the photo in this post before I actually read it and was going to comment that Hannah's nose and her mouth look exactly like yours!

    Many people say my daughter looks exactly like my husband. It made me quite annoyed during those first few weeks of trying to recover and learn how to get through those sleepless nights.

    And those same people say our son looks exactly like me.

    So my husband and I are equal. No more kids as I really don't want to break the tie ;)

  3. I get that ALL the son is my husband's "twin!" However, I beg to differ! Whenever anyone comes over I show them pics of me when I was a child and love seeing the "ah-ha" moment on their faces when they realize that my son looks exactly like ME!!!!

  4. Tahlia5/18/2013

    My son is a perfect split down the middle of the two of us. When he was born, he was me (actually, he looked like my dad, but I look like my dad too) but as he got older he looked more like my husband and it seems to change day to day and as he grows. I love being able to see both of us there. He has my eyes and my mouth and my baby cheeks. He has my husband's eye shape, chin, and, when it's humid, his hair. We're not sure whose nose he has but I'm pretty sure it's not mine and I'm really glad about that because my nose is ugly (imo). His personality is also a split of us - easy-going like my husband and sensitive like me. He did get my temper and easy frustration though, which I'm not really proud of.

  5. Sarah,

    Love everything about this post. So well written and from the heart. And, I can absolutely identify with everything you said right down to the emergency c-section.
    Since my husband is Mexican, my boys are blessed with his beautiful skin tone, honey brown eyes and since I am fair, blond haired and blue eyed they look very different from me. But their adorable little nose is mine and their smiles too.

  6. I love the connection between your daughter, you, and your grandmother. Definitely something to treasure. Everyone flip flops with our kids on who they look more like. As my daughter gets older she is definitely looking a bit more like me (to her dismay). People who know my husband's families say they are like him, people who know my family say they are like me. Time will tell.


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